A small boundary practice

I want to offer you one small practice. One little nudge forward. A cute little turtle step.

Here is the practice: The next time someone asks you for something and your body tightens, your mind races, or you feel the pressure to answer immediately, do not answer immediately.

Instead, try this sentence: I need 24 hours to review this. Or let me get back to you tomorrow.

That’s it.

That kind of sentence can sound incredibly simple, but for many people it is not simple at all.

Because what it interrupts is (usually falsely created) urgency. It interrupts the conditioning that says you should be instantly available, instantly clear, instantly agreeable, and instantly helpful.

Last week in The Grove workshop, I shared that one of my own body signs that I’m tipping into Overing is feeling an overwhelming, completely compelling sense of urgency. In my head, it sounds like, ‘I must respond immediately. Why haven’t I already responded perfectly?’ 

Sometimes it’s a heads-up that there is a relational dynamic that might cause me to betray my own boundaries. Like wanting that corporate contract so much, I say yes before I think through my capacity. Or it’s an old people-pleasing response pattern that doesn’t serve me anymore. Like getting a text from a fellow school parent, and I feel like I need to respond in a certain way to be seen as a good mom and fellow class supporter.

So. A boundary does not always begin with a dramatic no. Usually it doesn’t. It begins with a pause. Because what you’re doing then is giving yourself enough room to actually check in with your capacity before you hand it over.

This practice is small and concrete for a reason. You do not need a perfect plan. You never need to become a whole new person by Friday (or at any time). You’re perfect as you are. Because you’re showing up for yourself right now in reading this. I love your courage to use just one sentence that helps you stop abandoning yourself in real time.

I need 24 hours to review this.

Let me get back to you tomorrow.

Use one pause-giving boundary script one time. Make it sound like you. But have your line figured out and maybe even an idea about some places to use it. At least once. In an email. In a meeting. In a text. In a conversation where you usually feel pressure to decide too fast.

Then notice:

What came up for you before you said it?
What did it feel like in your body after you said it?
What became clearer once you gave yourself a little more time?

Boundaries, friend, are one of the main antidotes to Overing patterns. They are just a little practice that has the big impact of interrupting internalized systems of overwork, urgency, and external worth.