Delegate is the Boundary of Releasing Over-Responsibility
In the 4Ds of Prioritization—Delete, Delay, Delegate, Do—up next is Delegate.
If Delete is saying “no” and Delay is “not yet,” then Delegate is: “This doesn’t have to be mine to do.”
One of my clients thought she was already good at delegating, as she is a well-experienced department head, until she started using the 4Ds. In the middle of a stressful accreditation cycle, she realized:
“Normally, I would have lost my mind trying to map competencies into our accreditation documents. But then I stopped and remembered: I have a whole committee for this. Instead of panicking, I handed it over. Each person took one page. It wasn’t mine to carry alone.”
Delegation is choosing not to collapse under the invisible weight of control.
Another client’s journey looked different. She noticed she was stuck in “firefighting mode” as a leader:
“I’m getting better at delegating, but the shift for me has been realizing not everything is a fire. Some things are just smouldering ashes that don’t need me. I had to stop picking everything up just because no one else did.”
She began experimenting with treating her tasks differently. Instead of seeing everything as a fire, she started asking: Is this actually a fire, or is it just smouldering ashes that someone else can handle?
These small shifts open up space. Both clients started delegating more by handing off tasks to teams and staff.
I won’t say this is always easy at first. This requires shifting into trust and letting go of control. It also requires monitoring if staff can’t meet those tasks. Knowing when to step in with mentoring and training rather than taking it back over. Control keeps you carrying weight that isn’t yours. And it leads to micromanaging others, which perpetuates a chronic burnout lifestyle for you and decreased morale for others.
Why Delegate matters:
It stops you from over-functioning and carrying more than your share.
It builds trust in your relationships and allows others to step up to higher expectations.
Stops fueling the rescuer-victim-perpetrator dynamic of the drama triangle.
It’s a boundary against martyrdom, rescuing, and perfectionism.
As clients delegate, they notice the deeper boundary lesson: delegation is about more than efficiency and productivity or clearing your calendar (although that’s helpful). It’s about breaking the pattern of being the default rescuer.
Here’s the nuance for toxic dynamics:
Delegating can feel risky at first. Toxic cultures teach us that saying no means we’re not a team player. It might feel like you’re letting something slip or burdening someone else. It feels like you’re failing to show up and perform superwoman/hero. That feeling can be so strong that it shows up as intense resistance. This is especially powerful for recovering people-pleasers.
But what can happen is the opposite: you can empower others and free yourself to focus on what matters most. Just know it can take some work to shift teams out of the drama triangle dynamics, which is a big reason my Resilient Teams curriculum rebuilds emotional and communication skills and competencies together. So if you need help navigating this as a leader, know I’m available to be your thought partner and an outside facilitator.
Your reflection practice:
This week, try these questions:
Look at your to-do list. Which items are true “fires” only you can handle?
Which ones are “smouldering ashes” that could be handed to someone else?
Choose one task to delegate. Ask clearly, set expectations, and let it go.
Notice what rises up in your body: relief, resistance, guilt? That’s the boundary work showing itself.
Delegate is choosing responsibility wisely. It’s saying: “I don’t have to hold it all.” Delegation is a boundary against being the rescuer.
Put your hand over your heart. Inhale deeply. Feel the space open when you’re no longer holding it all.