What are your personal expectations? (And why are they so high?)

We need to talk about your personal expectations (for yourself and others). 

More directly, and not to hurt your feelings: Why are they so high!?

And when you or others don’t meet them, you think more self-discipline is the answer. 

It’s probably not. It’s more likely that you need clearer systems on how you work and more clarity on why you’re doing it–with some real good value-aligned boundaries around all that to protect your time, energy, resources, and wellbeing. 

But here’s where so many of us get tangled: We confuse internal boundaries with personal expectations, and they are not the same.

An expectation is a belief, sometimes loud, often sneaky, about how you or others should behave.

It sounds like:

“I should write every day.”
“I should balance everything without burning out.”
“They should know I’m overwhelmed and stop asking me for things.”
“My team should respond with urgency.”

These high expectations are usually perfectionism in disguise. They’re the invisible bar you keep trying to clear–even though no one else can see it and you never feel like you’ve actually cleared it.

Boundaries at work aren’t rigid policies to police others. They are a commitment to your own capacity, clarity, and well-being. They help you stay in the conversation without sacrificing your peace.

Here’s a quick reflection for you:

• Where are you overfunctioning at work by jumping in to fix, rescue, or absorb what isn’t yours?

• Where do you need a simple line–a “not now,” “not me,” or “not like this” — to protect your energy and your time? I like to call this 4D’s: do now, delete, delegate, delay. 

Most people think of boundaries as walls we build around us, lines in the sand to keep out what doesn’t belong. But one of the most important forms of resilience is the internal boundary. The one inside you that says, “I don’t have to over-do, over-give, or over-function to prove my worth.”

This inner boundary is what keeps us from slipping back into “overing” behaviors. It’s what allows you to pause before responding. To feel the impulse to fix or manage for everyone else and choose not to. Because a lot of times that impulse is actually a desire to control the outcome rather than the process or, worse, someone else’s behavior. 

Need some help with this? Let’s chat.