Want more time back? Start with Delete.
Let’s dive into the first one: Delete.
Delete is the cleanest, simplest boundary. It’s the power of saying “no.” But for many of us, especially those of us trained in people-pleasing, caretaking, or perfectionism, it’s also the hardest.
I’ll never forget a conversation with one client who’s an experienced head of a department. She, like many others, came to coaching because she was drowning in commitments at work and home, unable to catch her breath. When we looked closely at her week, half of the things filling her calendar weren’t actually hers to hold:
The extra committee meetings she’d said yes to out of guilt or ‘if not me then who?’
Editing her team’s slides to make them look perfect before a presentation
Giving time-consuming feedback when that’s not what was asked for even
Signing up to bring snacks to every kid activity even when no one had asked her
Agreeing to review a journal article out of obligation or even interest but there wasn’t time
When she began practicing Delete, there was a shift to standing in the ocean and turning toward the waves instead of bracing against them. She stopped letting the unimportant or misaligned tasks knock her flat and pile on top. With each delete, she drew a clearer line: This does not belong to me. This does not serve my energy or my purpose. This other thing I choose to do so I’m going to delete this one. And so on.
Another client realized he didn’t need a 12-step interview script for student workers. He stripped it down to some clear questions: Can you do the job? Will you do it? Where do you need help? Delete, delete, delete.
That choice offered him efficiency in the hiring process, yes, and it was also about boundaries. He refused to let perfectionism or over-complication drain his purpose. He focused instead on the impact: resourcing students, not performing an idealized version of hiring.
But here’s the nuance for toxic dynamics:
Saying “no” can feel especially charged in politically fraught or toxic workplaces. A flat-out “no” might carry costs that you’re not okay with at this moment. Costs can be social, professional, personal, and in this work climate can even feel like rocking the boat of job security. That’s why Delete isn’t always about the literal word “no.” It’s about finding a version of “no” that still protects your energy, your boundaries.
Some gentler but effective options include:
I don’t have the capacity to take that on right now. Is there something you want to take off my plate so that I can shift my focus?
That’s not in my current priorities, but I can connect you with someone else. Here’s so-and-so name and contact info. Do you want me to make an introduction by email so you can check in with them about this?
I need to focus on [x priority], so I’ll have to pass on this one. Thanks so much for thinking of me. Keep me in mine next time.
And inaction is often a great option. Simply not volunteering when the group goes silent. In organizational sociology, we call this the ‘mom work.’ So don’t raise your hand for the mom work.
Every version is still a boundary. The difference is choosing the one that balances clarity with the reality of your environment.
Your reflection practice:
This week, I invite you to practice Delete.
Look at your week ahead. Circle one thing that doesn’t actually belong to you or isn’t worth your energy.
Ask: If I delete this, what boundary am I protecting? My time? My energy? My values?
Choose your “no.” Will this be a clear no, or one of the gentler versions that works in your context?
Release it. Cross it off, decline it, or quietly step back.
Deleting is about choosing impact over noise. Each “no,” in whatever form you use it, makes more space for the “yes” to yourself and your future.