When the Waves Keep Crashing
Last week, I had a few days in San Diego with family commitments, but snuck away for an afternoon at the Pacific Ocean. I was craving water immersion from land-locked Colorado dry. The kiddo and I rode the waves by throwing our bodies into them, feeling into the push-pull rhythm in a way that stays in your body well after leaving. But at first, it felt foreign to my body. I stood with my back to the ocean, feeling the waves and then watching their foamy ripple move towards the shore. A few times, they’d rise taller, smacking me so hard on my back that it took my breath away or knocked me down, while salty water stung my eyes from flooding my face.
That mix of steady back and forth with some strong overcoming waves feels a lot like the moment folks are in right now. The humid thick transition out of summer pushing up against a back-to-school crunch. Academic and work rhythms demand a higher output. (Even though the capacity isn't there to meet it because the world has been a lot, to say it mildly.) Yet our bodies and minds crave a steady, compassionate flow and want a bit of a reprieve.
How do you get that reprieve when you’re not ready to get out of the ocean’s waves?
To work with the frenetic energy in the world right now, I’m sharing a simple but powerful tool that can ground you.
The 4Ds of Prioritization: Delete, Delegate, Delay, Do Now
This framework emerged as my anchor when I was transitioning out of full-time faculty life and reclaiming my well-being. It’s woven into a broader boundary-design process I share with clients that begins with identifying your weekly top three priorities, giving your schedule wiggle room, and listening to what your body needs. It’s a practice I introduced in my blog, “I Learned Boundaries as a People Pleaser in Toxic Work Culture.”
Delete, Delay, Delegate, Do process is about boundaries, because each step is a way of choosing what gets your time, attention, and energy rather than letting the demands of work or others decide for you. It’s the difference between turning your back on the waves and letting them overtake you or turning towards them and choosing the moment to jump in or run towards the shore.
Over the next couple of weeks, I’ll dive deeper into each one in our emails. In the meantime, here’s an overview of how each one is a choice of boundaries.
Delete → Saying no.
This is the cleanest boundary. It’s acknowledging that not everything deserves space in your life. Deleting tasks, expectations, or perfectionist extras is drawing a firm line that protects your energy.
Delay → Protecting your pace.
This is a softer boundary. It says that this is important, but not right now (often due to lower capacity or you’ve identified other priorities). Delay resists urgency culture and puts you back in charge of your timing.
Delegate → Releasing control.
Delegation is a boundary against overing (especially for people-pleasers, hello, friends!). It reminds you that you don’t have to carry it all. It also teaches others to step up, which reinforces relational boundaries so that you’re not the default rescuer anymore.
Do → Embodied choice.
Doing is only about the things that are aligned with your values and impact. It’s a boundary against scattering your energy. When you decide something gets a do now it means it gets your full presence, because it matters.
While this process may offer you a productivity hack, it’s actually what boundary work in action looks like. Instead of abstractly setting boundaries in your head, you’re making embodied decisions in the flow of daily work: delete what doesn’t matter, delay what can wait, delegate what isn’t yours, and do what aligns.
Boundaries are about saying “yes” to yourself and the future you’re building.
Reflection Practice:
This week, imagine your tasks and commitments as ocean waves. Some are small ripples, some rise high and crash hard, and others are steady and predictable.
Take five minutes to list the waves that are hitting you right now. Then, ask yourself for each one:
Delete → Does this wave even belong in my ocean? Can I let it roll past me without engaging?
Delay → Is this wave too big to catch right now? Can I let it pass and meet it later?
Delegate → Is this wave meant for someone else to ride? Can I hand it over and step back?
Do → Is this the wave I want to jump into with full presence?
Close by putting your hand on your chest or belly and noticing your breath. Ask: Which choice today feels most like a boundary that honors me?
Choose your waves this week, don’t let them choose you!
And guess what, you can do this in community with me in The Grove.